Back in the early days when online dating hit the scene in the early 90s, people didn’t really know what to expect. For most singles, being on a dating site like Match.com (the first), was more a novelty than anything else. And sure,the occasional wonderful new connection would ensue.
Over time, it would become clear that more and more couples attributed their happy co-existence to the brave new world of online dating.
Since then, however, the world of online dating has evolved dramatically. The seismic shift is largely thanks to the new dynamic of “instant matches” with apps such as Tinder, Bumble, among others arriving on the scene.
The fact is that most people don’t really know what to expect from online dating these days. Most men and women dive in too eager to make a new special connection. But most times, they end up hitting a wall. As far as guys are concerned, most venture into dating apps high on enthusiasm and low on preparation and the proper attitude.
Ultimately, the online dating world just became an unpredictable roller coaster of highs and lows. Most people find that setting their expectations and goals from online dating to be either ambiguous or unattainably lofty. So when the lows hit, things become emotionally taxing as well as mentally draining.
Quite simply, both men and women go into the world of dating apps with unrealistic expectations.
Let’s look into some of those unrealistic expectations right here, right now:
Trying To Know Someone Too Quickly
No matter how detailed (and honest) someone’s profile may be, there’s still going to be much to learn about a particular person. And yes, that’s going to take some time. Many people find themselves expecting to have all their questions and concerns about someone answered right away, often even before the first date!
The better approach would be to be patient and let things flow with a new match. There’s no need for either person to treat the other one like he or she is on a job interview. Enjoy the time together, engage in good conversation, have fun, and see where things go. If things are on the right wavelength between two people, things will develop on their own, without anyone feeling forced into something.
Not Keeping A Healthy Perspective
Men and women need to understand that dating apps and websites are tools, nothing more and nothing less. The advantage of using them is that time and space are highly leveraged to everyone’s benefit. There is no easier, faster, or more efficient way to find companionship at any level than browsing, swiping, and/or clicking on an app.
Most people find their expectations getting warped when they forget this most basic concept. Rather than understanding that a dating app is simply a tool, they expect it to magically (and instantly) deliver their fantasy woman (or man) on demand. It doesn’t work that way. Making sure that what’s happening on dating apps is all kept in proper perspective will go a long way in keeping expectations in check.
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Being Too Selective Or Judgmental
Recent studies show that people who regularly engage in online dating apps become increasingly judgmental and even overly selective. Being able to scroll through an endless array of singles can easily warp a guy’s sense of logic when it comes to making healthy, logical choices.
What’s more, it causes people to become increasingly unrealistic in who they think may be interested in them. The result? Depression and disappointment from feeling rejected or unwanted.
Staying realistic and honest about what someone wants in a partner is an important thing to stay focused on. Maintaining a healthy level of patience and fairness about who is getting swiped or clicked is a healthier route to take. way to go.
Being Overly Dependent On Dating Apps To Boost Self-Esteem
Anytime a guy rates himself by how his online dating life is going, that’s when the trouble starts. Things start getting a tad obsessive to the point of insanity. Guys who aren’t getting the results that they were expecting may find that they’re running themselves ragged trying to buck the trend. They end up spending far too much time swiping on an app, rather than paying proper attention to real-life priorities.
It’s important to keep things balanced and even-tempered when it comes to venturing into the online dating world. Becoming overly-obsessed with matches, messages, and who to swipe/not swipe next can lead to an atmosphere that is not healthy or rewarding in any tangible way. Keeping self-confidence to a healthy level is also important.
Keeping one’s online dating life balanced with ‘real world’ stuff like work, responsibilities, hobbies, sports, and other priorities will help keep expectations realistic.
Keeping expectations well-grounded and realistic when navigating the online dating world is just sound strategy. Consistent self-reflection, self-assurance, and honesty will help maintain equilibrium. Staying true to what someone honestly wants from a “match” is also a plus.
For many people, looking for their “soulmate” is the big prize. While for others, having a good time with fun company, and without getting overly serious, is the better fit. People who are disciplined and focused about what they want should be able to attract potential mates who are looking for the same things.
Whatever the case, working for the best while preparing for the worst is a healthy approach. Guys need to understand that no matter what they do or say, they will find themselves getting ghosted or blocked for no apparent reason. Not taking it personally, keeping expectations on par, and resuming normal profile browsing is the best way to carry on.
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