These days, online dating can seem pretty daunting for a lot of people. This is especially true for guys who may be a bit lacking in the self-confidence department.
The way they portray themselves on online dating apps like Tinder can reveal volumes to prospective women. And whether they know it or not, women do use what they observe as criteria to judge a guy’s character and personality.
To be fair, most women who are up to speed on various trends and behaviors may be somewhat understanding and empathetic about any insecurities men have. That said, they may not necessarily want to spend time with guys who lack even the minimum required amount of self-confidence.
So on this post, we’re going to cover just a few of the more prominent dating app fails that expose men of zero confidence in themselves. Whether they know it or not. Then, we’ll cover some tips to help improve their chances of finding ideal matches and hopefully, more successful dates.
1. Apologizing For Silly Mistakes and Inane Stuff
Sure, saying “Sorry, my bad” is indeed a good sign to most women. However, non-stop apologizing for even the most trivial slip-ups or missteps can get exhausting. Worse, they don’t bode well for one’s ego. Women don’t want to get sucked into a position where they end up repeatedly comforting or consoling a guy for things that she really doesn’t care about.
What to do instead: Just be upfront and straightforward. If a guy does anything that makes him feel like he rubbed her the wrong way, or even upset her, he should ask her about it. It’s better to not assume that she’s automatically thinking negatively about anything that was said or done. It’s better to reserve apologies solely for when they’re warranted and clearly done out of self-confidence.
2. Doing The Alpha-BS “Hyper-critical” Thing
This stems from the whole insane “pick-up-artist/PUA” movement which has inundated the internet over the past decade or so. Too many guys have bought into the myth. They think that they have to criticize the living hell out of well-intentioned women, so they can demonstrate their perceived alpha prowess. And that’s… bullshit.
Don’t fall for the long-outdated and tired axiom. Most women, especially smart/savvy ones, won’t tolerate being berated by a guy so he can try to make himself feel large and in charge. If anything, playing this role will just backfire and make him look incredibly small and yes… devoid of any confidence whatsoever.
What to do instead: Appreciate her and her unique qualities. With a new match, commenting about certain qualities will always be welcome. Honesty and offering constructive criticism or feedback are also just fine. Just keep it all in balance with other themes and topics of conversation. It takes a lot more self-confidence for a guy to pull off complimenting a woman in a sincere and non-smarmy way, than it does to overly-criticize or nitpick her to death. Women can tell the difference.
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3. Saying The Wrong Things, The Wrong Way
Words often have a huge impact on a woman’s initial perception of a guy that she matched with. How he may say or phrase certain things can give away the store when it comes to a lack of confidence. In the end, it may make a lady think that a guy is simply not worth the time or effort.
Saying stuff like “I’m worried that…”, “What if…” or “I just think…” can show an inordinate amount of subservience and place too much burden on her. Oddly enough, most women don’t want “all the control”, so to speak. They do, however, want to know that they have an equal voice in a relationship.
What to do instead: Learn how to word thoughts the right way. Instead of saying stuff like those aforementioned phrases, it’s better to cut to the chase. Guys should be careful about portraying themselves the wrong way. It’s better to encourage dialogue and foster confidence in both people who are involved in the conversation.
It’s also a good idea to avoid showing worry and uncertainty every time those feelings come along. Those instances should happen sparingly and when they’re truly warranted.
4. Being A Bit Too Self-Deprecating
Nothing oozes “zero self-confidence” more than a guy who just can’t seem to stop with all the endless self-criticism and deprecation. In no time at all, women get a read on it. It’s often perceived as a way to seek extra attention or even fish for compliments.
Sure, women do that too. But it tends to work more in their favor than it does for men. Too often, guys will just expose themselves to the risk that women will search on for a guy who won’t go on and on about their own negative characteristics.
What to do instead: Focus on positive traits! Guys need to understand that they were swiped right for specific reasons in the eyes of women. They should just highlight those qualities and not be ruled about their concerns or anxieties about anything that they consider to be working against them.
She should be validated by the things that made her swipe right, rather than having her question her decision to do so. A guy should try to charm her with the things that she might like about him more than anything else.
5. Being Jealous Or Needy
Today’s women are quite content with being in full control of her time and who she spends it with. Guys who constantly bombard them with check-ins and messages all hours of the day will just showcase their insecurities.
As insane as it sounds, many guys often show fear of losing a girl before they ever even actually “have” her in the first place. Another red flag of insecurity? Being jealous of male friends and co-workers. This is often a major mood-killer, especially in the early dating stages.
What to do instead: Give her all the space she needs. There’s nothing a woman appreciates more than a man who knows and respects the boundaries of a relationship, as well as her time.
Rather than worry about what a fresh new match may be doing when she’s not chatting him back, he should focus on his own stuff. Surely, there are hobbies, sporting events, and other pressing things to occupy time on the spectrum. A great thing that a guy can do with that available time is to read a book or watch a show that she recommended. It could very well be the hot topic of the next chat, call, or date.
Too many guys with confidence issues find it hard to showcase themselves the right way to the matches that they make on Tinder or any other app. An important thing to remember is that a great lady deserves a great guy. To find a great partner, he should start with improving himself, so at the very least he can build his self-confidence up. We’ll cover more confidence-building tips in future posts.
In the meantime, guys need to understand that insecurity is a normal trait and everyone struggles with it. In time, however, any man who does the work can improve his self-esteem, boost his self-confidence, and ultimately become a better version of himself. It just takes time and a bit of patience.
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