It’s a nagging question that guys often grapple with on Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps

How can I get a girl to reply to my frickin’ intro message???

That’s a syndrome for the vast majority of guys on dating apps. A match is made with someone a guy really likes. He tries to break the ice and get the conversation going. And then… nada. 🙁

We’ve already covered the topic of how to start a conversation with new matches on a previous post. So today, we’ll focus on what guys should do when they do all the right things, make a match, and end up with nothing but dead air.

So what to do when a Tinder match doesn’t reply back?

First off, it’s important to determine whether the match is indeed worth the extra time and effort. Making sure that she’s indeed a solid a match with common likes, etc. is definitely a critical step. If she passes that initial test, then it’s ok to try these and other tactics to elicit some kind of response.

Try To Find Out Why She Hasn’t Responded

Find out why she hasn't responded

She may just be mulling things over…

We know the drill. A girl makes a right swipe that she at first feels good about. Only to find out later that there’s something that doesn’t mesh with her in his bio.

But before she can un-swipe, he’s already sent a message.

A good thing to do is to take a few minutes and look over the bio again in-depth. Maybe she’s a smoker/non-smoker. Perhaps she’s not one who gets her drink on when the weekend rolls around. What if she wants/doesn’t want kids? Could it be some political or religious views that don’t jibe?

Any of those can be why she hasn’t messaged and likely won’t. It can also be for issues such as age difference, distance apart, and other logistical factors.

Should any of these or similar issues show up on the radar, it’s often enough reason to accept fate and move on.

On the other hand,  if there are no glaring red flags in her profile/bio, then chances are that a second message salvo may help break the ice.

Develop A Strategy For Message #2

Develop A Strategy For Message #2

Make the right plan, reap the rewards… 

Keep in mind that you’re profile is probably in a stack of other matches with other guys just taking up space in her inbox. It’s a fair bet that most of those guys will chime in with nothing more than a lazy and boring “Hey!”, “Wassup?”, or “Hi there…”.

The goal is to write a message that’s going to pop out of her inbox queue that she can’t help but notice. Putting some careful thought and planning into the next message can make all the difference. If nothing else, it will at least show her that some real effort is being expended to make contact.

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Try To Bond Over Something In Common

Try To Bond Over Something In Common

She may be a “Muscles From Brussels” fan too…

Showing interest in things that she’s a fan of or cares about that’s mutual is usually a solid icebreaker. Poring over her bio and looking for just the right note to hit rarely fails to elicit attention. Even better, guys should try to find that “hidden nugget” in the bio that most other guys miss or overlook. Rest assured that many women test guys this way.

Example: She says: “I get weak knees when for people who truly care about animals and helping people.”

A good idea would be to send a comment about that, along with a pic taken while volunteering at a local animal shelter or food bank.

Anything on the bio that stands out to a guy is what should receive proper focus.

At this point, most guys will just find the easiest way to home in on the “thing” with a canned response or one-liner. It’s important to understand that pretty much any other guy can and will do the same thing. This is where a bit of preparation and diligence can really come into play, by simply saying something that most other guys can’t think up.

On the other hand, too much thought and strategy can backfire. Depending on her personality, it may be better to keep things fairly simple while still staying focused on a particularly resonating point that’s worthy of discussion.

Here’s an example based on the above “nugget”:

“Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I’m a regular fixture at my local animal shelter. When I saw what you said about volunteering at one in your bio, I couldn’t hold back from contacting you.

It’s a huge thing for me, so I figured I’d send you another note. I’m also a bit curious about what it means to you, and what you get out of it personally. Care to share? 😀”

Being quick, courteous, and to the point without droning on pays off. It at least shows that she’s being contacted again over qualities that somebody really digs about her, rather than her profile pics.

Questions Go A Long Way

Questions Go A Long Way

Great, but just start off with one good one, ok?

A well-crafted second message will put the onus on a lady to respond in some constructive and positive way. The best strategy is by simply asking a well thought out question. As we covered in another post, asking questions that require more than just a yes or no answer can go a long way in nurturing the conversation.

When a well-presented question elicits a worthwhile answer, that’s usually more than enough to set off a productive and rewarding conversation. It also shows women that a guy is actually trying to get to know her, and not just making the rounds, so to speak.

An important point: Most women get incredibly lame and shallow questions from guys. The more of them that they see pouring into their inboxes, the more their eyes glaze over in boredom and disgust.

Simply putting some time, consideration, and effort into crafting just the right questions is usually enough to shake a girl out of her doldrums enough to respond. She’ll be flattered by the fact that a guy took the time to try to get to know her a bit since sending his first message. And, by some big surprise, he’s still interested even though she didn’t reply back!

Wrap Up

The strategies and tactics we’ve covered here should at the very least boost the chances of getting a response on a second try. If she responds, then chances are good that a worthwhile conversation will ensue. All a guy has to do is lead the discussion along in a way that’s healthy and positive. As long as the good vibe lasts, there’s no reason why she won’t keep replying.

Nonetheless, she still may not reply despite one’s best efforts. If that happens, it’s better to chalk up the experience for what it is and focus energy on other matches. At the very least, there will be some things learned that a guy can apply to future messaging attempts.

Along the way, guys should continually polish and hone their profiles to ensure that they’re showcasing themselves the right way. That should help them get more replies while representing themselves in an honest and upfront way.

Too often, guys will present themselves in ways that are misleading or not particularly accurate. Savvy women can spot the signs of this after making a right swipe, and will often not respond because of that.

Focusing on the qualities and values that make a guy unique and that they’re comfortable with is what women are looking for in a match. Being clear, honest, and upfront can make all the difference in the world of online dating.

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