In recent years, there’s been a lot of talk about men needing to present themselves as being an “alpha male” to attract women. This is especially the case when it comes to guys trying to present themselves on dating apps.
That drivel is the entire basis of the “PUA” (pick-up artist) wave that has been inundating the internet over the past decade or so. Most men, especially men who are insecure about their looks or personalities often fall prey to the “alpha male” ideal. More times than not, they do so to their own detriment.
Here’s the long and the short of it…
Guys don’t have to transform themselves into the perceived “alpha” image. The supposed ‘Alpha’ traits as portrayed by self-proclaimed PUA gurus and ‘dating coaches’ are so flawed and laughably off the mark that it defies science.
The fact is that most guys aren’t even comfortable with the Alpha image, but think that it’s the only way that they can get dates. That insane idea is as self-defeating as it sounds.
The entire “alpha” topic has been studied by psychologists and sociologists over the past several years. And yes, the science is pretty clear: When it comes to modern human behavior, the entire “alpha” thing is obsolete and essentially a modern myth.
It’s nothing more than a hole-riddled concept founded on nothing less than junk science. It’s a feeble attempt by opportunists to take a concept that exists in apes and monkeys into something that also applies to human anthropology.
Don’t buy into it.
The fact is that while some guys can pull off the “alpha” image without breaking a sweat, most guys simply can’t. And trying to do so only makes their dating prospects worse.
In this post, we’re going to cover where guys should be applying their efforts, instead of trying to convert themselves into the supposed ‘alpha’ male mold.
Despite Popular Belief, Women Hate Guys Who Act Like Assholes
One of the biggest scams perpetrated in the PUA/Alpha guy archetype is the idea that women like guys who act like total jerks.
Wrong. Fail. Nope.
The fact is that women like guys who are outgoing, charming, and gregarious. They should focus their personalities on showcasing these qualities. Doing this while not showing fear of engaging with women will go a lot further than being an obnoxious douche, rest assured of that.
Have The Right Amount of Confidence
If it’s one thing that’s hammered to death in the PUA movement, it’s exhibiting almost superhuman levels of confidence. As we covered in a previous post, self-confidence is something that guys can work on to better themselves. Some guys are naturally more confident than others, sure. It doesn’t mean, however, that guys working on their confidence need to over-compensate to the point of being utterly annoying to women.
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Polish Demeanor and Communication Skills Instead
While being confident, guys also want to avoid appearing ambiguous and wishy-washy. Showing purpose, focus, and attention to detail is what reflects well on women. When communicating via a dating app, this can be a challenge.
The key to success is showing a new match proper attention, listening intently to what they say, and conversing with self-assurance. It’s also important to make sure that a guy’s best qualities are exhibited in his profile, in the bio as well as the photos.
If done properly, the entire package shows itself before a guy ever has to say a word.
TIP: See a certain quality or mannerism exhibited by another guy? Don’t be afraid to borrow and incorporate it into the repertoire. For more on this, check out my ebook!
Being Courteous Pays Dividends
When it comes to “Alpha-dom”, one of the biggest myths is that guys need not show common courtesy or manners. Again, nobody likes to be around an asshole. It’s far better to exhibit class and even deference, especially when it’s inconvenient. Across the board, women will respect a guy who isn’t out to make himself look good at the expense of others. This is even more so the case when it’s clear that he has nothing to gain by doing so.
Remember: Chicks Dig Empathy
It’s yet another deluded myth that permeates the Alpha world. The idea that guys shouldn’t give a crap about the women they’re with or anyone else for that matter. Somehow it’s been programmed into the “PUA” psyche that caring about total strangers, people in need and even animals makes a man look weak and “Beta”.
Well, that’s in a word… Bullshit. The fact is that guys who exhibit empathy and selflessness are viewed as strong and caring people. And yes, most intelligent women consider that to be a good thing. It’s what they’re looking for in a mate, at least much more so than an insolent rude boy.
Guys should understand that unless they’re comfortable in their own skin, most women won’t get very cozy with them. Trying too hard to fit an unattainable persona will not only alienate them from attractive, smart women. It will make them more unhappy and miserable as well. The result is usually a guy who ends up trying even harder to fill the alpha role, which will just make him even more repulsive.
Working on the personal qualities and values that women are actually looking for while making a guy more content with himself, will go a much longer way in the dating world.
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